Tips and Tricks for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse
Goodness gracious! Who let all of these zombies out?
They’ve taken over all things entertainment, from video games such as “Resident Evil” to recent movies like “Anna and the Apocalypse” to the TV show everyone’s been watching since 2010, “The Walking Dead,” and its prequel, “Fear the Walking Dead.”
If you’re a fan of dead men (or women) walking, naturally you think it’s a good idea to figure out how to survive the zombie apocalypse. If you haven’t bought into this new (some may say disturbing) normal, you may as well pretend you have – because it’s practically un-American to not be preoccupied with cunning corpses in motion. Either way, here are some tips and tricks to increase your chances of staying alive when facing disaster on a supernatural scale.
Come Up With a Plan
The most important thing is to know multiple routes out of town and the fastest way to reach them. Keep a map and a list of emergency contacts (in paper and digital form) nearby.
Pick a safe area to escape to and map out the easiest route to get there. Locate the nearest banks, gas stations and grocery stores.
If an early escape is not possible, you’d better make your house as difficult to enter as possible. Use furniture and other heavy items to block doors and windows.
Zombies are known for crashing through windows, so it’s best to choose a hideout with the fewest ground-level windows. If you’ve watched zombie movies, you know these dead folks aren’t good at climbing, so make your way to higher ground and stay put.
If you find yourself trapped in your house, it’s best to hightail it to the attic, which the clumsy zombies will have trouble reaching. Basements, even windowless ones, spell trouble.
Monitor Social Media Like Crazy
A walking dead outbreak is not likely to surface overnight, thank goodness. So, if you want to say alive, check Facebook and Twitter 24/7 for warnings about pending attacks by the living dead.
Tap Into Your Inner Doomsday Prepper
Preparing for post apocalyptic life is not for wimps. Matt Mogk, a “Talking Dead” cast member and founder of the Zombie Research Society, points out the Haiti earthquake of 2010 as an example of how desperate real life can become after a disaster. Four years after the quake, the island nation was still dealing with a serious cholera problem from tainted water. So, make sure you’ve stocked up on H20 and just about every other essential you can think of.
On the other hand, Mogk advises you to not set foot in Walmart when compiling your stash of zombie apocalypse provisions. “When you are building your zombie plan … ask yourself, ‘Will other people be doing the same thing? Will other people be going to the same place?’ If the answer is yes, don’t go there. This also means Costco, BJ’s, Sam’s Club and other huge warehouses.
Stock up on enough stuff to last for at least three post apocalyptic months. Your list should include:
- Blankets and pillows
- Canned goods
- Pots (for cooking or boiling water)
- Plastic plates, cups and utensils
- Rope or twine
- Vacuum-sealed goods
- Jugs of water
Have the Right Weapons on Hand
First things first: Nix the idea of attacking members of the walking dead with a hammer. The time it takes you to swing that instrument provides an opportunity for your zombie foe to nip at really vulnerable areas, like your armpits. Increase your chances of survival by using a good ol’ machete to slice a zombie’s head off its body. Also, now’s not the time to be afraid to exercise your Second Amendment right. By all means, grab that sawed-off shotgun or bolt-action rifle and let the living dead know that they’ve stumbled upon a living nightmare.
If you’re thinking about using TNT around the undead, be super careful. Sure, the right quantity can destroy them, but you might end up as a pile of ashes, too. Remember, the goal is for you to stay alive. Go for a controlled burn instead, but be sure it’s a blaze that won’t turn into a towering inferno that puts you at risk.
Join a Small Fighting Force – If You Can
Fighting an army of the walking dead by yourself probably won’t work out too well, so try to go to combat as part of a unit. One or two people is best; a big group will probably draw too much attention. If you’re lucky enough to find people who are brainy, brave and brawny, consider yourself to be in the very best of company under the circumstances. Still, if one of your fellow fighters becomes infected, you’ll have to take him or her out. And if you get infected, well, your comrades have no choice but to kill you.
Now You Know How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse
Actually, we haven’t quite covered everything. But take heart: Classic zombie movies can teach you way more about defeating the walking dead. Luckily, your comprehensive survival training instructions are just a click or download away on your favorite cable network or streaming service. Take good notes – and may the post apocalyptic force be with you!